Sea + Prairie

crash

We get on bikes for an after dinner tour around the neighborhood

the older two way out ahead, up and down the curbs jumping, laughing an singing.

I make the youngest ride directly in front of me.

He's been riding since he was 3, but he scares me.

He rides differently than the other two, 

looking at only what is directly in front of him-

one or two feet in front of him, totally in the moment, 

barely skimming cars parked in the street and trashcans left from trashday yesterday.

then jerking the handlebars just in time to save him...(sometimes).

Will this be how he does life 10, 20 years from now?

I hope not.  I don't think this mama heart could do it.

An all grown up life lived to the fullest, right in the moment, turning the handlebars barely in time to escape the hurdles ahead of him.

I don't want to watch, it almost makes a pain deep down in my gut.  Or maybe it is my heart.

I'm not quite sure.

If I didn't have to watch the path in front of my own bike, stretched out, I'd squeeze my eyes tight.

"Don't forget to look ahead of you!" I tell him.

I want him to hold on tight, so tight that he won't when he hits the snags in his way.

I want to hold him tight.

He says, "OK, mom" with his sly grin that means I worry too much. 

His 7 years nod to the 27 he will become.

I am thankful his turtle green bike helmet still fits him.

I put him behind me, on the sidewalk and hope he doesn't run into a jogger, or a cat sunning itself in the middle of the concrete path.

But there are even more obstacles there - cars parked half in the street, half out, someone's toys left from previous play, trashbags half filled with leaves.

I can't bear to watch.  But I can't bear not to watch even more.

I put him back in front of me.  At least there I can watch it all unfold and be there when the trials come his way.

He is so young.

We who are all lived up know there are things coming.  Crap life throws your way, like blue recycling bins left out a day too long.

 And I still choose to put him...all three of them...in front of me, legs peddling fast, so I can guide and encourage.  Hands gripping the handlebars tight.

Even if it means I am witness to the crash.

{right now}

It was hot today and i was sticky.  I found myself slowly getting frustrated that he isn't here to teach them these things.  Frustrated that I have to be both mother and father at times.  But the time is quickly approaching that I won't be able to play both parts in this play.

But I took a breath...a deep inhale right to the very middle of myself.

And there I found the thankfulness I so needed.  Thankfulness that I am here, fully present, to share in these very special moments, these milestones that only come once in their lifetime.   A witness to time standing still.

truth

I have come to love the time between Christmas and the new year almost as much as I love Christmas itself.

It has become a week of quiet...relative to our household of 3 rambunctious boys.  They are content and playing with their new Christmas treasures and I have time to journal, to browse through seed catalogs, plan, refocus.  And this year I savored every moment.

This year, I've decided that my one word will be

TRUTH.

Yes, in the Biblical sense of truth.  "the way, the truth, the life".  But also I want to focus on the truth in my present.

And here are three truths about me:

Truth #1
I am a good wife.  A good wife who is trying to hold on to her marriage with both hands, making sure she is doing everything she can to make it work.  The truth is, I might not be able to do enough to make that happen.  Despite my best efforts, it still may fail.  The truth is, for a long time I have been carrying more than my share of the load.  The truth is, I can only do my part.

Truth #2
My husband is battling mental illness.  Truth is, he has been for awhile.  I don't know if it is something that has always been there and I was just too busy being a good military wife to really see it.  Truth is, it may go back to when he was a kid. Most likey.  Truth is, it could have something to do with the stress of being at war for the last 10 years.  I don't know.  But truth is, its there, it is real, its scary and we have to deal with it.  Truth is, there are times I want to run away.

Truth #3
I am a good mother.  I am a mother who has good kids.  The truth is I can be proud of them.  They are respectful and smart and funny.  They are active and loving and generous.  The truth is they are struggling...one of them in particular.  He is angry and I have excused his anger for a long time.  The truth is, its time to call a spade a spade and get him the help he needs regarding his learning disability and his emotions.

Truth #4
I am worth it, every bit of it.  The truth is I deserve to take time to exercise.  The truth is, I am worth putting good food into my body.  I am worth flowers and dinners and dancing.  Truth is, I am good enough.  Pretty enough.  Smart enough.  Truth is, I deserve to be known.  To be cared for.  To be loved deeply.  Truth is, so are you.

Truth #5
Truth is, I love Jesus. Unfortunately, I tend to want to make everyone feel comfortable.  To feel valued.  I shy away from confrontation.  But truth is, I am scared.  I'm scared that you will think I am one of those crazy Christians who don't love gay people, or that I am one of "those" who think that global warming isn't real, that I am pushy with my faith or won't be accepting yours.  That I am one of "them" who give "us" a bad name.  Truth is, I am not.  Truth is, my faith is what is keeping me afloat most days.  And if I am truly following "the way,the truth, the lifet" my ONLY job is to love.

Truth #6
Truth is, I am not alone.

You would think that a woman who is 38 years old would have learned all of these lessons by now.  But the truth is I feel like in many ways, my journey is just now beginning.

Here's to new beginnings.  And here's to living in the TRUTH.

Happy 2012!

P.S.  One last truth, I can't find my memory card this morning, so your getting instagram pics from my phone.  That's the truth. :-)

pvc pipe sprinkler fun

Both of the neighbors on either side of us have pools.  My boys are insanely jealous and beg for a pool everytime we hear the splashes coming from over the fence.  (And it doesn't help that one set of neighbors rubs it in a bit that they have a pool and we don't...really!)  

But we have something else now...

We've had some pvc pipe laying on the side of the house next to the garage for several months now.  I knew they'd come in handy eventually.

So when I saw this, I knew what we would be doing yesterday.

Three trips to the hardware store later for caps and valves and we had ourselves some amazing summer fun.

If you are up for putting together one of these, here are a few things we learned:

1.  Its easier if you keep the longer pipes all one diameter when you go to look for the fittings.  There are a million to choose from so we just kept it to 1/2 inch.  Much easier!

2.  Valves are a must...so much fun and a great way to teach about water pressure.

3.  When you drill the holes in the pvc, make them small first.  The larger the holes, the more water pressure you loose and the sprays won't shoot as far.  You can always make the holes larger, but not the other way around.

4.  Have more end caps on hand than you think you will need.  I think we have 10.

5.  Be ready for said teasing neighbors to want to come over to play as soon as they see how much fun you are having. :)

Ahhh, now that's summer!

Happy sprinklering friends!

 

 

busy, busy, busy

in the last 8 days we have...

finished 2 teacher quilts,

picked zinnias 9 from the garden,

visited the Contemporary Art Center's Boardwalk Art Show and Inflatable Art Exhibit with 2 good friends,

eaten 3 cantaloupes from the market, and eaten our weight in popsicles,

picked 7 tomatoes...there's always one that can't follow the rules of how to become a pretty tomato, eh?

visited with our 2 cousins (1 tia, 1 tio and an abuelita) at the beach,

played 6 games of kickball, 

run in from the rain 3 times,

said good bye to 4 great teachers,

and umpteen jillion friends (but just for the summer),

...and today is only the first day official day of summer.

 

Looks like its going to be a busy one!

Breakin'

We're feeling pretty blessed right now.  We've just returned from a few days away.  It is Spring break here and a good friend invited us to spend part of our week at her family's cabin.

We spent a good amount of our time fishing...read that, practicing our casting.  We did some short hikes and a lot of wading.  It was a bit too cold for swimming, although the boys got brave and dared each other to go in.  They came right back out pretty quickly.

It was a wonderful time to think and be quiet.

We're all feeling a bit more settled, relaxed and generally centered.

That's a good thing.

Read more about our little adventure over at Steady Mom today.

Small Words Make Big Impact on Kids

After a few days of silence, I'm over at Steady Mom again today.  

 

“Put the swing where the children want it, the grass will grow back.”
 – Amish Proverb

 

A few weeks ago, the boys and I stopped by our local bookstore in search of some new reading material.  As a true bargain hunter, we always visit the sale tables first.
 
As I looked down, halfway peeking out from a cookbook was a little book entitled, Amish Peace: Simple Wisdom for a Complicated World.
 
On the cover, were four little boys in straw hats walking through a field of yellow wildflowers with a big blue sky above.  
 
I immediately contrasted that image with our household.  We do not watch regular TV, but my three boys can still recite entire Geiko commercials they’ve seen online.  Not quite the wisdom I would like them to be committing to memory.

So, when I saw this little book, begging me to take it home, I thought, sign me up!  I’ll take some peace and truth in the middle of a complicated world.

Read the entire story here.

A House Full of Boys Needs Flowers

I'm surrounded, I tell you.  By boys.

I have three of my own.  And then my husband makes four.

Add the cat (who is a boy) and the two guinea pigs (which are both boys), Scout and I are the only estrogen in the house.

There was a time that I thought this meant I was relegated to a world of camouflage and car prints.  Maybe a dinosaur or two thrown in.

I'm not much of a girly, girl anyway, but I do like lace, and pretty dishes...and flowers.

I am coming to understand though that as a mother of boys, I am almost *more* obligated to bring a little femininity into our home.

It is my responsibility to teach them what the fairer (and smarter) of our species responds to.

It is my job to show these boys that there is a softer side to life.  

We have new napkin rings on the table, with real cloth napkins.  (That go in your lap.) Sometimes we even eat on real china plates.  We are learning to open doors for ladies, even if we don't know them. 

I want them to know the language of flowers.  How to write a love note, even if it is to a teacher.  How to be polite and not put your elbows on the table.  I think they need to know that it matters if you notice the little things, like if your girl gets her hair cut.  Or if she had a new dress on.

These things are important.

But most importantly...all girls like flowers.  Period.  

Their mama is no exception.

 

These are my most favorite Spring grocery store flowers at the moment:

• Alstromaria:  These pretty little lilies don't have much to offer in the way of smell, but they come in a variety of colors from yellow, to red, to pink.  And are very long lasting. They can last for up to two weeks without cutting if the water is kept clean.
• Ranunculas:  Love, love the delicate pretty flowers and the curly stems are whimsical.  This very old flower just screams Spring!
• Stock:  Pretty pastel colors and the smell is intoxicating.  I put them right by the bed or in the entry way where I can enjoy them the most.
• Hyacinths:  Also love the smell.  And hyacinths just scream Spring!
• Daisies:  So summery and long lasting.  These are might be my favorite flowers of all time.  You just have to smile looking at daisies.
• Daffodils:  Yes, daffodils.  I have seen them pop up at several of our local supermarkets and they are always less than $2 a bunch.  A bargain.  And this way I can leave some in the garden to enjoy outside.

I think the boys must be catching on.  We were in the grocery store a few days ago and my youngest picked up the biggest bunch of orange roses and asked if we could get them for his teacher.  "Ms. T's favorite color is orange!"  How can a mama say no to a boy who is so observant of the likes and pleasures of the woman who has his heart at the moment?

If you are a mother to all boys, do you feel the same?  Like you are responsible for teaching your little lads to be chivalrous and keen on the female species?  

And what are your favorite Spring flowers to have in your house?

 

Estate Sale Finds and Random Thoughts

Hello friends.

Hope your weekend was a good one!  

It was warm here.  

Saturday morning we visited an estate sale.  There was lots to see, and much I wanted to purchase.  But I only came away with a few treasures.

I've been thinking a lot about need vs. want.  I seem to go through cycles of this.  My tastes change, so I get a few new things here and there to fresh things up a bit.  But then realize I need to purge some of the things I no longer enjoy or need.

I tell myself that because I shop mostly at yard sales or thrift stores (and sometimes Target), and never pay retail that it is ok.  But then still feel like at times we have too much clutter.  

Too much stuff is still too much stuff no matter how much you paid for it.

So, there has been some collecting.  But behind the scenes there has been lots of slow and steady cleaning out of closets.  Much going through and donating.

And our dirt finally arrived.  

Who gets excited about topsoil and manure?  Apparently we do!

Which meant all of Saturday afternoon was spent shoveling and wheel-barrowing loads of dirt from the driveway to the backyard.  The boys were troopers and loved every minute of it.

What was amazing to me was how we ended up with 5 other neighborhood boys helping shovel as well.  Thinking they were taking pity on my since S is away, I kept telling them they didn't have to help.  "No, we want to help" was their reply.  I only had 4 shovels and there was a line to take a 15 minute turn shoveling.

For a while now, I've had this thought that boys need an outlet and opportunities like this.  "Manly" kinds of jobs to make them feel strong, an outlet for testing out their muscles. I don't mean to say that shoveling manure is a "manly" job and women shouldn't be bothered with it.  Heck, I was out there too.   But boys need to feel like they are growing into men.  And my three sure were feeling like they were contributing to our family by using their growing muscles.  And that is the important thing to them.

I'm sure there is a book somewhere that supports this, some psychological study.  But as a mother of 3 boys I am really coming to realize this in a meaningful way.

In other news...

- We've been watching this owl cam, and this local eagle cam.  (More great bird links on TMG.)

- And the boys are now completely addicted to nutella sandwiches and would eat them every single meal if I let them.

- We saw Gnomeo and Juliette, would totally recommend it!  Loved it!

- Signed up for this little workshop.

- Have you seen the rugs Holly is making?  Amazing...all from this original tutorial.  Can't believe it has been more than 4 years since I posted t.  Makes me a bit nostalgic.  Maybe I'll use up some of the sheets I've been collecting.

Happy Monday friends!

The Morning Reset Button

The Valentine's Day hearts are put away and it's time to fully embrace the arrival of all that Spring will bring.

We're already seeing the temps begin to stay above freezing at night.  The sunshine is streaming through the windows in the morning.  We are expecting a topsoil and manure delivery later this afternoon to fill the new raised beds.

After some robin's eggs jumped into our cart at the commissary, Wyatt went on the search for a pinch pot "nest" one of the older boys made several years ago.  Perfect!

Its been a tough couple of days in the parenting department.  I'm thinking I should make a call to my mother and apologize for every time she had to smack down a consequence for a poor choice I made.  She was right.  It really does hurt the mama more than it does the child.  I've been feeling that pretty heavily right now.

But today is a new day.  Thank the Lord!

I am so very thankful that each new morning we get to start anew, hit the reset button so to speak.

::Don't forget, it's Bird Week over at TMG!

How are things with you this morning?