Sea + Prairie

Book Giveaway - Is He Really Coming Home!

There are times when the things that end up in this space seem very trivial - pretty vintage fabrics and flowers freshly cut from the garden.

But if you have read this blog long enough, you know there is also another part of our life that I do not write about often.

We are a military family.  My boys have never known life without a Papa who goes away for long periods of time to very dangerous places.

And if you share this title with us, or you know a family that does, I want to recommend a new book to you.

Is He Really Coming Home! is written from a child's point of view about life in the military and issues families have gone through for years. The mother having to break the news when the children are so excited to have their dads/moms back in their lives again, even if it means that their lives have changed forever due to the injuries of battle.

Our family is blessed to know both the author of this book and the young illustrator.  Both are family friends.  You can watch a short video from the local new station that explains more about how this book came to being.

So in honor of Linda and Alex's amazing work, I'll be giving away a copy of Is He Really Coming Home! to one lucky reader.

The only stipulation to this giveaway is (and this is on the honor system folks!) that you must be a military family or plan on giving it to someone who is.

Good luck!  The lucky winner will be drawn from the comments below at noon on Wednesday, August 25th.

Or if you can't wait, order your copy on Amazon.

 

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Update!

I ended up with two signed copies, so the winners (generated by our new kitten who chose to bat two numbers around the floor) are Lisa and Kelli !!!  Yay!!!  Send me your addresses you two (or Lisa, we can just finally meet at the beach or something ;).

An Explosive Weekend

Sometimes I almost forget I am a military wife.  Especially when S is home for a good length of time.  I say "almost" because it is only a temporary passing thought.  Reality comes calling sooner or later.  

And we are reminded that our Papa plays a role. And Sara's too.

our Papa and his friends.

Our boys are getting to an age where they are coming to more fully understand what he does.  They watched the demonstration this weekend - looked up at him and asked "Do you do this when you are gone?  Is this how you help people?"  And he answered quietly, "Sometimes, if we have to."

This weekend my boys met men who have been injured by gunfire and have been pieced back together, still bearing the scars that will forever be reminders.

This weekend was a reunion of his friends.  His brothers in arms.

My boys will remember these men and their stories for the rest of their lives.

And this mama will continue to pray every night that her boys will never find themselves the tellers of such stories.

It was a good weekend.

We are proud.

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Most people don't know what so say when they see photos like this on a blog that is normally full of pretty garden shots and words about patient parenting.

And that is OK.

I don't know what to say about it sometimes either.

I feel like I am always torn between being grateful and proud and just plain mad that we are still in this dumb war.

But knowing that this is part of our reality.

Really, it is OK not to know.

On another note...

There is a little post over at Simple Mom if you are interested in a few things you can learn from military moms.

Decorating: In Need Of White Space

You know how it goes.

You paint one wall.  But then the wall next to it looks dirty in comparison, so it needs painting too.  Or you get new curtains, but then they don't really go with the throw pillows, so you'll need to make some new pillows as well.  One thing leads to another.

Well that's the way things have been going around here.

I love the new light over the breakfast table.  But there was just something not quite right about it.  I finally decided the green light (which I decided to leave green) and the yellow tablecloth curtain behind it was just a bit too much for me.  So I replaced the curtain with some really gauzy linen.

Simple is always better it seems.

I love it.

And I've been working on rearranging some pictures and framing some of our favorite photographs.  Since I switched to a digital camera, I never seem to get prints made and framed.  One day I looked around and all of our framed photographs were from at least 3 years ago.

I've been picking up random frames here and there.  The three cork board frames now holding photos from our Christmas vacation trip to TX now hang in the playroom.  

Finding good boy fabric is tough for me...meaning finding fabric that doesn't look too much like a baby and does not include a transformer or a star wars character.  Not that we don't play with those things.  I just don't want them on my curtains.  The vintage fabric above used to be two coverlets originally sold by SEARS.  They are now new playroom curtains.  I love the boats and compasses and eagles.

 

The boys have been bringing home some exceptionally good artwork from school as well. They helped me pick out their favorite pieces and we framed them alongside some other prints that are finally hung.

In looking at all of these photos, I can't help but think that there is a lot of white...and clean space that is a bit out of character for me.  Im guessing that my brain is in need of some clarity and white space as of late.  We are up for orders again and things have been a bit tense around here.  I don't really want to move again.  But you military wives know how that goes, eh?

I guess the way one decorates their house really is a direct reflection of the owner.

What do you think your decorating is say about you right now?

Simple Comforts and Bending The Rules

It has rained for the past 5 days.  And rained.  And rained.

Which was really fine with me, since we were all feeling a bit under the weather anyway.  No, we do not have the swine flu.  But we've all had noses that haven't been working, and scratchy throats.  One of us even got sent home with a fever, but I couldn't find it once he was comfy and snuggly in his bed.  Yes, we have all been teetering just on the verge of being sick. 

So, it's all been about comfort around here for several days.  Comfort food, fires in the fireplace, and making things.  We even ventured out to see Where The Wild Things Are...which we loved...more than loved.  And sick or not, I'll take any excuse I can to slow down, curl up under a quilt, make a big pot of soup, listen to good music, play with legos, bake and sew.

Which is what we've been doing.

I had convinced myself that deployments would be easier when the boys were older.  I would be able to talk them through their emotions.  They would remember him more and it would make things easier.  I was wrong.  (This is where having a blog comes in handy)  With S being away, and it being a bit more difficult than I expected, I've had to go back to my own advice.

I admit, the first time I saw the Daddy Dolls, they gave me the eebie-jeebies for some reason. I mean, I thought it was a great idea, but something just reminded me of the old ladies that have their fourteen year old cocker spaniels stuffed after their beloved friend passes on.

One night after my youngest went to bed talking about how much he missed his papa, I hopped into bed...looking forward to loosing myself in Amy Karol's new book Bend The Rules With Fabric. The first project I turned to was the Uncle Pete and Aunt Sarah dolls...a very similar concept to the daddy dolls I had seen before.  We used Amy's directions, but chose to draw our own body in camouflage with sharpie markers.

Wyatt and I made a daddy doll the next afternoon.  I am getting used to it.  Oh, what we do to comfort these little ones.  Now Daddy, or a "not quite as eerie ad I used to think" version of him, goes with us everywhere.

If you get a chance, check out Amy's book.  It has lots of other great projects we can't wait to try.

hello there friends

"Naturally. How one hates to think of oneself as alone. How one avoids it. It seems to imply rejection or unpopularity. An early wallflower panic still clings to the world. One will be left, one fears, sitting in a straight-backed chair alone, while the popular girls are already chosen and spinning around the dance floor with their hot-palmed partners. We seem so frightened today of being alone that we never let it happen. Even if family, friends and movies should fail, there is still the radio or the television to fill up the void. Women, who used to complain of loneliness, need never be alone any more. We can do our housework with soap-opera heroes at our side. Even day-dreaming was more creative than this; it demanded something of oneself and it fed the inner life. Now, instead of planting our solitude with our own dream blossoms, we choke the space with continuous music, chatter and companionship to which we do not even listen. It is simply there to fill the vacuum. When the noise stops there is no inner music to take its place. We must re-learn to be alone."

Gift From The Sea - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Well hello there my friends.

Its nice to see you.  It has been a while, hasn't it?  I didn't really mean to be gone so long.  And I did not mean to cause anyone worry.  Sorry about that.  It has been a rough couple of weeks.  But we are doing well.  So now that we are well into our deployment groove, I promise to make this a more regular part of my weekly routine.

Over the past several weeks, my time has intentionally been spent being quiet, being present, getting comfortable with being alone.  Present with my boys, present in my home.  Present with myself...which is always the most difficult, isn't it?  And I don't really mean alone in a sad, depressing sulking kind of way as I might have come across.  I just mean that intentionally, I have pulled back, pulled into my shell as we must all do from time to time.

I have spent much of my time reading, writing, cooking, gardening, snuggling with my sweet boys. 

Incidentally, has anyone read Gift From The Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh?  A friend of mine gifted me with a 1963 edition a while back.  It sat on my bedside table for several months in a pile with other books I had good intentions of reading this summer.  And shortly before S's departure, I picked it up one night.  I read late into the night and woke up early the next morning to finish it.  It is a book written by a woman not unlike all of us, looking for balance in a busy world.  Looking for meaning in the day to day.  If you have read the book, there is also a great interview of Anne's daughter on NPR about the legacy her mother left through the book.

Ahhh...it feels good to be back in this place.

Enjoying Him, Being Present

I was all ready to post about the tomato soup we made and canned this past week.  I was going to tell you about this book that was given to me by a good friend and is rocking my world.  I could have told you about the little quilt Ian and I have been working on.  Or the nature project Zane can't get enough of.  But it just isn't happening.  It all seems trite and false.

I mean, yes all of those things are really happening too.  But there are bigger stories to tell here.  Stories that I again hesitate to tell.

You see, this is one of the reasons things have been a bit quieter than usual around here.  We're soaking in all of the Daddy time we can.  Another deployment is quickly approaching.  And so much I would normally post about just doesn't seem to work.

I went to the pre-deployment brief a few weeks ago.  For you civilians, this is a meeting of everyone involved in the deployment: the commanders, the wives, the parents, the children of the soldiers that will be deployed and the support personnel.  Those who hold so many lives in your hand give you numbers to call in case of an emergency.  The jag attorneys remind you to have your wills updated.  Everyone generally tries to give you the best support you can for the upcoming separation.  Knowing full well that nothing can take the place of having a papa at home.

This briefing was the first one I have been to that they addressed social media.  They encouraged families to put together a web page or a blog to keep in touch.  But then discouraged giving any information about when anyone is leaving, when they will be returning, where they are headed, etc.  Apparently, personal blogs have been a good source of intelligence information. 

I have again set up a private blog, with password protection, where he can see daily updates on the boys.  A space where they can send him a message and he can write back. 

And really the details of future times and locations don't matter.

Gone is gone.  And really, we know by now it is a choice to focus on the present.  So we do.

And the now has involved lots of the beach.

Hurricane Bill and Danny have been stirring up some decent waves for our area.  So we've been in the surf as much as one possibly can.  And there have been other day trips to Northern Virginia, to Busch Gardens, to dinners with friends and the like. But even these seem a bit too precious to share. 

These will be good memories for the boys to have of their papa.  And for him as well.  Memories that will serve us all well in the coming months.

The surfing photos above...this is how I choose to think of him.  Doing what he loves most in the world.  Calm and at peace.  In the one place he hears from the creator.  These are the images I will hold on to.

This is the photo that he will be taking with him overseas.  He will not carry it on him.  Instead, we will make him a pillowcase.  That way he can go to sleep looking at their funny faces every night. 

I hope you don't mind that I close comments on this post.  I just want you to know that this will be the backdrop for tomato soup recipes and gardens and quilts for a while.  And that these kind of family exchanges of preparing and saying good-bye are still happening.  War is still happening.  It is real.  And personal.

I know you care.  I really do.  Thank you for that.

Much love to you my friends,

E

Real Life: Permission for Grace

I know I said life is all in how you frame it.  And I still feel that way.

Just keep looking at those beautiful peonies while you read this.

And if you have a friend (or a sibling, or a neighbor) who is currently active duty in the military, stop what you are doing and call them.  Offer to watch their kids, take them dinner or just come over for a chat.  Yes, it has been one of those kinds of weeks for us.

Last week S got back into town after being gone for three weeks.  Before that he was home a week and before that he was gone 6 weeks.

He is currently doing what they call a "work up".  This is the block of training they do before they deploy to wherever they are headed.  It is broken up into two and three and six week blocks, which means he is home some and gone some.

This is when I am so grateful to be living in an area where they are so many military families.  Because when I say "We're doing a work up" every military wife knows what that means.  It means that you are so amazingly grateful to have them home the little bits here and there that you do, but equally frustrated with the schedule shifts that come with it as well. 

It takes about two weeks for us to get past papa being gone and get into our groove.  Then just as we hit our stride, he comes back in and we have to adjust all over again.  This week has been week two where the fun of papa coming back into town is over and I have to be "the enforcer". Which is not easy for me.

The stress of it all is evident.

And it has shown up in several ways.  I got an email from one of the boys teachers about some serious lack of focus in the classroom.  I've seen uncharacteristic meltdowns over simple things such as shower time and bedtime.  The boys are getting up all hours and unable to get back to sleep...either that or waking up at 4 a.m. and then ready to go to bed by 6.  Right about the time S hits the door and is ready to play.

This leaves me a frazzled mess and extremely exhausted from navigating and peacemaking the emotions of the entire family.  All day.  Everyday.  Actually it leaves us all tired and a bit worn out.

Believe me, Im not whining.  Im sure commercial pilots' families are the same, and parents who have to travel for sales jobs, etc.  This is the kind of stress that you think you can handle.  Its not even enough to worry about.  But it sneaks up on you.  You think everything is hunky dory until one minute you find yourself ready to throw a plate across the room.  And you have to stop and ask yourself why.

And it takes a bit of time to process it all.

That's why I've given myself a bit of grace as far as blogging is concerned.  If I make it here fine.  If I don't, that's fine too. 

So, whatever is getting to you right now, whatever of lifes little stresses is getting to you...give yourself a bit of grace.  Take a picture or two.  No matter if you actually share them with anyone or not.  Take a walk with no destination planned.  Mindlessly cut some quilt squares whether you intend to actually assemble the quilt or not.  Make a yummy dinner and sit down with a good glass of wine.  Stare at your kiddos and take a minute to really check in with them.  Sneak into the neighbor's yard after the sun has gone down to snip a few of their peonies because they moved away months ago and no one is there to enjoy them like they should be enjoyed.  Just know that we all need a bit of grace sometimes.

Happy weekend to you all!

us time

Life can get so crazy and busy so quickly between partners.  Especially when one (or both) of you is in and out of town.  Add in the holidays and three little ones.  And without you even knowing it, you can find yourself at dinner one night, looking across that table and wondering who the heck this person is sitting next to you.  That is exacty where S and I have found ourselves the past several months.  And with very little time for "us time" we were both starting to feel the frustration of it all.

So one day this past week, with Abuelita Fia here to help with the boys, we took some time for us.  Almost a whole day.  The weather was cooperating, so we loaded up our bikes, bundled up, and headed for one of our most favorite places, Back Bay and False Cape.  We had the beach all to ourselves and since it was low tide we could bike for miles.  We did not see the wild horses, but saw a few feral hogs and lots of deer, racoon and fox tracks.  The dolphins treated us to a show just as we started to head back home with pockets full of beach treasure.

It continues to blow me away how medicinal the natural world is!  We had time to talk...really talk...about what the next few years may hold, about the boys' education, about how we can better meet each other's needs on a daily basis, about commonalities and differences.   And are now feeling much more grounded individually and also more connected to each other.  Aaaahhhh....bring on 2009 and whatever may come.  We're ready now...together.

day 1 : day 104

Hello all.  Im back after a 10 day break having many coronas (me) and bloody mary's (him) in celebration of S's return.  Thank you for your continued congratulations and for understanding that we needed a bit of time to just be a family again.  After so many long trips apart, I now know how things work best.  Clearing the calander of anything and everything is a must.  I used to expect him to just fit back into the routine I had been keeping while he was away.  And it was frustrating on everyone.  I have learned that I have to give us 10 days or so to start all over again.  To make a new schedule that fits the five of us.  Its that give and take, the frustrating push and pull of juggling it all that can tear you down if you are not aware of it.  This works for us.

The morning after he arrived home he woke me up at 2:30 a.m. to ask what time it was.  He was still on overseas time and was ready to start his day.  He got up and went downstairs.  I almost pulled the covers back over my head, but instead decided to get up with him...knowing that this might be the only time we get to have this much alone time without the boys awake.  We made coffee.  And talked.  and talked and talked.  He unpacked everything that he had wanted to to say over the past four months but couldn't because of unsecure lines.  Things about amazing people he had met, things he had seen, things he had done.  He has asked me not to share any of our conversation.  And I won't.  But I have not been quiet about my feelings regarding our country's war with Iraq.    But after speaking to someone whom I trust with just about everything about his personal accounts, let me say this...I am more dedicated than ever to the thought that THIS WAR MUST END.  SOON! 

We will be back to our regularly scheduled blog programming after this post, but I just feel the need to share a bit of this part of our life.  I think we have a unique voice, the two of us - he being in the military and me such a crunchy conservative and all.  You all have been very gracious through this time, so I guess I am wanting to share a bit of closure here on the blog as well.  While S was away I kept a daily (well almost daily) private blog.  I shared it with him only after he arrived back home over coffe that early morning. I thought I might quickly share my first and last entries.  I hope that is OK with you.

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DAY 1

Dear S,

You thought I would cry when you left the house tonight.  But you were wrong.  I didn't.  I just couldn't allow myself to let you think I couldn't handle all that would be coming my way over the next three months.  Although now as the boys are all quietly sleeping upstairs, the tears are flowing freely.  I miss you already and you are not even out of the state.  The phone has been ringing all day with people calling to wish you well overseas and see if we need anything.  We are so rich in that regard.  Thank God for our friends and families.  We will be fine.  I know it.  It is you I worry about.  Have a safe trip.  Do what you have been training so long to do.  And please know that I love you more than the dolphins love the waves.

Yours,

E

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DAY 104

Dear S,

Today you came home from Iraq!  I knew you were coming in, but I know by now to keep it to myself and not tell the boys.  God forbid something happen with the plane schedule and you not make it.  I don't think I could handle their disappointment (and mine).  I have been thinking about you all day...on the verge of tears at least a dozen times.  But I didn't allow myself, knowing that these things are always subject to change.  But I manage to put clean sheets on the bed, finished up a few sewing projects that were in the "to do" pile and cleared the schedule of anything and everything for the next week or so.

It almost killed me keeping the secret from the boys all day.  I am pretty sure they knew on some level that it would be sooner than I was letting on.  They are sensetive little buggers.  They knew.  But when I got your call that you were back at the command and on your way home, I couldn't hold all the emotion in any longer.  With the waterworks in full swing I called out to the boys..."Guys!  Daddy's plane landed, he's on his way home."  Sweet words I tell you...sweet words. 

The welcome wagon started making signs and cleaning up their room and last minute party plans were in the works.  Until you called again to say that your car had apparently been sitting too long in the base parking lot and you were stranded at the Rite Aid Pharmacy.  So our reunion took place (a bit delayed) in a busy parking lot amidst busy shoppers.  Funny thing, family reunions like this are not uncommon in this military town.  They happen at schools, at spouse's workplaces and are a common sight on the local nightly news.  The older man who was parked next to us stopped to shake your hand and said a simple "thanks".  I wondered if he had experiences reunions of this sort as well.  I guess Rite Aid is as good a place as any to see your dirty, stinky bearded husband for the first time in four months.  Welcome home S...we've missed you.  Thank God you are home.

honey, Im home!

Yep, our daddy came home late Friday night.  So please excuse us if we are a big pre-occupied for the next week or so.  I'll give you the full scoop when we're all reaquainted with each other.  Right now we're all off doing what we do best.  Just hangin' out with each other.

P.S.  Thanks for all of the prayers, emails and notes over the past several months.  I do not even know how to express our gratitude.