Sea + Prairie

sweetness

 

 

 

our blackberries are in
oh, I love them so much
we started picking them just as soon as they begin to turn dark, even though they are still a bit sour, we couldn't help ourselves
not until they are fat and juicy, are they perfect and sweet
which requires patience

I struggle with patience...and timing
I need to learn to wait for the perfect moment, that "sweet spot"
not to get too impatient
if blackberries can ripen in their own time, I think people (and children) probably do as well

the boys and I made Pioneer Woman's #1 cobbler...it was ok, yummy, but more like blackberry cake
and Im more of a traditional cobbler girl

we'll try again tomorrow with a true cobbler recipe

last year we fought with the robins for the berries, and they won
but, this year we netted the bushes and made some other deterrents
they worked famously!

and we have more than enough berries for our current needs and even some for freezing I think

I think blackberries might just be my favorite fruit in all the world
yes, I think so

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today was our first official day of summer, school was out on Friday and today was the first day we didn't have to get up and rush around

it was nice

nice not to have to rush, but also nice to have something oh, so fun to look forward to
farm camp!

dressings and greens

 

 

 

 

 

 

Days are going by fast here, with lots to do in the garden and in the yard.  I love this time of year!  

We're (read that me) eating salads every evening meal.  This year the lettuces and other greens are really spectacular and I've been experimenting with making my own salad dressing.  So far I have a little honey mustard poppyseed number one that I just can't get enough of.  I like adding fruit to my salad, strawberries, oranges, apples, and nuts and the sweetness/tartness of the this dressing seems to go well with whatever I decide to throw in. Yum!

Honey Mustard Poppyseed Dressing for Greens

1 1/3 cups mayonnaise
4 1/2 tablespoons white sugar
2 1/2 tablespoons honey
2 tablespoons mustard
2 tablespoons Grey Poupon or other Dijon Mustard
2 tablespoons white vinegar
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 1/2 tablespoons poppy seeds
Directions:
Mix all together with a wire whip, put in a container, cover and refrigerate. 
Shelf life 7 days.

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Do you have a dressing recipe that you like?  I'd love to hear about it.

 

now you: details

details, a photo by eren {sea+prairie} on Flickr.

feeling a bit "off" today
there are days I feel like if I stop moving just for a minute I might fall asleep and not wake up until next week
today is one of those days
I put my head down on the table while helping the boys with their homework for a wee moment, but made myself a cup of coffee and we're out the door for soccer practices

and then a meeting at the command for wives on how to identify PTSD in our spouses and how to handle combat stress...so good and so needed, just not sure if I have the energy for it tonight

Oh, and the writing on our chalkboard has been there for months, but I just can't bring myself to change it out yet...maybe I still need the reminder that sunshine follows the storm?

Oh, and did you see Angela's submission. I wish I were as brave as she is.

Anyway, here is my submission to NOW:YOU

now you: hands

Hands, a photo by eren {sea+prairie} on Flickr.

I have my Grammer Shirley's hands
hands that raise things
like collard greens
and okra, big boy tomatoes and crooked neck squash
these hands raise flowers...peonies and daffodils and marigolds
hands that raise chickens
...and children
hands that pick up skateboards from in the driveway
and legos from down the hall
these hands are not slender piano playing hands
no these are working type hands...my Grammer Shirley's hands
hands with dirt under the fingernails
dirt so deep in the crevices and folds
that you have to use a brush to scub them in the bath at night
I have my grammer's hands
hands that raise things

now you

::tired mama eyes from being up one too many times last night::

I started a new project today.  I apologize now for the many self portraits that will be gracing this space, but I signed up for Kristen and Meredith's class called Now You.

Today our assignment was to focus on the feature about ourselves we like the most. I meant to get a better shot of my curls. But as I poured through the 21 shots, yes 21 shots...of myself...I decided that its not my curls I like the most about myself, but my strength.  Is strength a trait you can capture in a photo?

Either way, I liked this one the best. It was the only one where I didn't look pissed off or completely exhausted. I mean there is a lot to be pissed off about, but the thing I love most about myself is my  confidence in my own strength to pull us through.

For the first time in my life living my life on my own terms. There is pain, and anger, but there are equal amounts of strength and joy to be seen in my life as well. Oh friends, so...much...joy...in being my whole self.

ruralness

I am missing rural-ness.

I mean I love living relatively close to Target and Panera Bread and the like.  It is pretty convenient to live where we do.  If I forget one of the boys is scheduled to take snacks to school one day, I can leave my house, run to the store and have the individually wrapped goldfish to the school in 18 minutes.

Not that I've ever done that.  :-)

But there's just something about the country I miss right now.

I think when our lives get topsy-turvy and all out of whack, we go back to where we started, what grounds us, where we feel most at home.

And for me, I need space.

I've been helping out at our church's food pantry the past several months.  I love it.

And yesterday, the woman that runs the pantry called and asked if I could shoot down to Pungo (a rural area near us) to pick up some eggs that had become available.

Ahhh...

Just the drive down the windy one lane road.  The sight of red barns, strawberries in the fields, little road side stands.  The purina checkerboard signs in front of feed stores.  It all screams "HOME" to me.

Today I am thankful for the 30 minutes I took to pick up eggs, thinking I was helping our food pantry.  And like it always works, I ended up with the gift in the end.

gray paint

Hello friends.

And I do mean friends.

Thank you for all of the kind comments.  In the beginning I thought about closing the comments.  I never want you to think that I am fishing for attention.

But I didn't.  And I am glad for that.

Maybe I was fishing for attention...maybe support is a more appropriate word.  So, while we are telling the truth, it felt good to be heard.  Either way, it felt good.  

I have missed you all.  I have missed the friendships that have developed here over the years.  Even though many of us have never met, I have missed our little check-ins.  

And a few of you brave folks mentioned that you are going through something similar with your child or your husband.  Or that you struggle with  how we Christians are our worst enemies.

I feels good to know that if I post a crochet project or a garden photo, you all know that behind the scenes there are psychiatry appointments happening, and conferences with school counselors, lots of time reading books about having healthy boundaries here.

One thing I grow sure of everyday is that there is power in knowing we are not alone - which is the whole reason I started blogging in the first place.  It feels so nice to get back to that truth again.

Our weekends are now dominated with indoor soccer.  This is the first time the boys have played indoor and the first game the oldest two looked like deer in headlights.  It so much faster than outdoor.  With clear walls that remind me of a hockey game,  the ball never goes out of play.  So as much as I try to crochet, in two games Im still not done with this hat.

Maybe next week.

S is gone for a few months.  (exhale)  Which gives me a chance to get to some projects that have been on the radar for quite a long time.  It seems like with kids the age ours are, boys to boot, we can only expect wall paint to last about 4 years and it has been 4 years since we moved back to VA and repainted the house.  So the pale green is becoming a pretty, easy-on-the-eyes gray blue.  I know there has been some talk about whether this gray on the walls trend will last, but I don't even care.  We're all about cutting clutter and calming colors around here, so Im in love with it.  Love gray!

And Im loving that gray is even more of a neutral than the previous green.  Which lets me change pillows or throws on a whim if I get a little bored with the color scheme.

My pinterest files are growing and growing and growing.  Im beginning to dream again.  Dream about what I want my house to look like how I want my life to be.  Even if half of the ideas don't come to fruition, I'm learning that dreaming is important.

Several of you asked why I decided to start a new blog.  And I guess it all boils down to the fact that it just wasn't a safe place anymore.  Too many people who felt like strangers, too many people who knew me in real life following along way too closely, family members with expectations.

I kept a private journal for quite some time, but I have to say...I missed you all.

Im hoping to get back around to checking in on everyone's blogs or frequently.  But Im still looking for the balance between flickr, pinterest, twitter, facebook, etc.  I can quickly find myself on overload and not taking care of the business of everyday that I need to be taking care of.  Which I know is my own issue to solve and I'm not sure I've figured it all out yet.

But this space is feeling safe.  And safe is good!

truth

I have come to love the time between Christmas and the new year almost as much as I love Christmas itself.

It has become a week of quiet...relative to our household of 3 rambunctious boys.  They are content and playing with their new Christmas treasures and I have time to journal, to browse through seed catalogs, plan, refocus.  And this year I savored every moment.

This year, I've decided that my one word will be

TRUTH.

Yes, in the Biblical sense of truth.  "the way, the truth, the life".  But also I want to focus on the truth in my present.

And here are three truths about me:

Truth #1
I am a good wife.  A good wife who is trying to hold on to her marriage with both hands, making sure she is doing everything she can to make it work.  The truth is, I might not be able to do enough to make that happen.  Despite my best efforts, it still may fail.  The truth is, for a long time I have been carrying more than my share of the load.  The truth is, I can only do my part.

Truth #2
My husband is battling mental illness.  Truth is, he has been for awhile.  I don't know if it is something that has always been there and I was just too busy being a good military wife to really see it.  Truth is, it may go back to when he was a kid. Most likey.  Truth is, it could have something to do with the stress of being at war for the last 10 years.  I don't know.  But truth is, its there, it is real, its scary and we have to deal with it.  Truth is, there are times I want to run away.

Truth #3
I am a good mother.  I am a mother who has good kids.  The truth is I can be proud of them.  They are respectful and smart and funny.  They are active and loving and generous.  The truth is they are struggling...one of them in particular.  He is angry and I have excused his anger for a long time.  The truth is, its time to call a spade a spade and get him the help he needs regarding his learning disability and his emotions.

Truth #4
I am worth it, every bit of it.  The truth is I deserve to take time to exercise.  The truth is, I am worth putting good food into my body.  I am worth flowers and dinners and dancing.  Truth is, I am good enough.  Pretty enough.  Smart enough.  Truth is, I deserve to be known.  To be cared for.  To be loved deeply.  Truth is, so are you.

Truth #5
Truth is, I love Jesus. Unfortunately, I tend to want to make everyone feel comfortable.  To feel valued.  I shy away from confrontation.  But truth is, I am scared.  I'm scared that you will think I am one of those crazy Christians who don't love gay people, or that I am one of "those" who think that global warming isn't real, that I am pushy with my faith or won't be accepting yours.  That I am one of "them" who give "us" a bad name.  Truth is, I am not.  Truth is, my faith is what is keeping me afloat most days.  And if I am truly following "the way,the truth, the lifet" my ONLY job is to love.

Truth #6
Truth is, I am not alone.

You would think that a woman who is 38 years old would have learned all of these lessons by now.  But the truth is I feel like in many ways, my journey is just now beginning.

Here's to new beginnings.  And here's to living in the TRUTH.

Happy 2012!

P.S.  One last truth, I can't find my memory card this morning, so your getting instagram pics from my phone.  That's the truth. :-)

looking back

In one of Shauna Niequist's books, I think it was Bittersweet she talks about thin places.  Those spaces  in our life where the distance between our world and the heavenly world seems to close a bit.  Like Christmas.

Here is an excerpt:

"Thin places: places where the boundary between the divine world and the human world becomes almost nonexistent, and the two, divine and human, can for a moment, dance together uninterrupted.  Some are physical places, and some aren't places at all, but states of being or circumstances or a season. 

There are years when the Christmas spirit is hard to come by, and it's in those seasons when I'm thankful for Advent.  Consider it a beautiful way of being present to this season.  Give up for a while your false and failing attempts at merriment, and thank God for thin places, and for Advent, for a season that understands longing and loneliness and long nights.  Let yourself fall open to Advent, to anticipation, to belief that what is empty will be filled, what is broken will be repaired, and what is lost can always be found, no matter how many times it's been lost.

Christmas is a think place, a season during which even the hardest-hearted of people think about what matters, when even the most locked-up people loosen their grasps for just a moment, in the face of the deep beauty and hope of Christmas.  The shimmer of God's presence, not always plainly visible in our world, is more visible at Christmas.
For some people, this Christmas is, if I can stretch the phrase, doubly think.  Maybe it's the first Christmas without a family member or a dear friend, and your heart has been so wholly battered that it allows God's presence and voice to seem into it at every turn."

I think she quite accurately describes my thoughts and feelings at this post Christmas moment.  I have been especially quiet. Unusually quiet.  Not just in writing, but here too.  Trying desperately to hear from God, my ears straining to hear his direction in my life.

And hoping that in this thin space it will be sharp and clear.

listening

It is time.  I've been asking the same questions for so long, I almost missed the answer when I saw it.  I am ready now.  Ready to write my own life.  Ready to hear my own voice.  Ready to hear His.  And obey.

As best I can.